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I’ve been putting this off for a while but it can’t wait anymore. A while ago I posted about my mom being in the hospital due to issues with her cancer. Well she ended up there again this week and it’s a worse case scenario. Once they stabalize her she’ll be moved into hospice and it’ll be a matter of time at that point. Frankly i keep switching between emptiness and just being so sad it hurts. i’m 27 and I’m going to lose my mother. It hurts just to write this and have to acknowledge everything. She has been the closest person in my life,the one who is the reason I am here. Not just becasue she gave birth to me, years ago while going through a lot of tough times I came close to commiting suicide,she pulled me back and gave me hope. I hate this feeling of hopelessness and that everything is just supposed to keep going on like normal. Thankfully i have friends and family here to help me through this. Thank you to those who left me notes and messages after the last post. It helped. I’m going to be going dark on my tumblr for awhile,I’m going to have to find a new place to live in a few weeks and i’m not sure what I’ll be able to afford when i do. So I hope to come back in a month or 2 but for now its up in the air. Thank all of you wonderful people who followed me or even messaged me,you’ve made my life a bit better.
hey there, its time for one of those posts again. So if you want to avoid my depressing issues and crap just keep scrolling. first i’m not fishing for goodwill messages or anything,I just need to get this off my chest and avoid bottleing everything up. Monday I spent about 6 hours in the er with my mother waiting to get her seen. The problems that put her in the hospital before (no balance,not there mentally,extreme muscle weakness etc) started up again over the weekend. After a restless two days when she showed no sign of improving I took her in. The hospital was packed and this extended to the er. well about 5pm we finally saw a doctor and close to 7 she was admitted to the icu. She seems to be on the mend now but will be there for a couple days and still isn’t mentally there yet. i got home just a half hour ago from work and just needed to write. I’m more together than yesterday but still not ok. the cancer coming back was bad enough and it being stage 4 even worse but its these setbacks for her health that make it real hard to deal with. I wish I had a third of the strength she does to go through all this. the house seems too quiet without her here. Well I’m just going to try to take this week as it comes.
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